Existential Ramblings, 3 of...

Reflection I wrote on April 24, 2012 in San Jose, Costa Rica.

What I have deemed my own private hell, existential angst, uncertainty, and confusion have been a byproduct of my indecision with my life. Paralyzing fear has been the result of not wanting to commit fully to courses of action in my life; refusing to commit to my life itself. From choosing a career to choices of what to do to fill the space of each day, the void left by my indecision has been painful and led to much suffering. It's taken a toll on my health, my sense of well-being, and my peace of mind.

The joys of life certainly cannot come from a place of prolonged, lethargic inaction based in fear. There is no right path except to choose a path and go all out for it; commit to one's life fully and face what comes. It may be uncomfortable and downright painful and terrifying at times, but at least it's living. The opposite course, the refusal of life, is hell on earth.

Chirripó

Plunge into the unknown.

Utterly foreign scrapes and bruises,

wheezing lungs

and chattering teeth.

Listen to the calls of the mountains,

the silent screams of  clouds

that whisper both the dreams

and the nightmares of babes.

Lick the dew off the moss

if a finger’s touch

is not enough.

See, feel,

and listen to thoughts.

Signs and wonders

all along the way.