Dear World...

Dear World,

I know some of you aren’t very happy with me right now. I know over the course of my life I’ve pissed a lot of you off. During my brief existence here, I admit, I’ve done some damage. I could use the excuse of being young and ignorant and confused when I was a kid, and I think I’d be justified in doing so, but I refuse to use that excuse to justify any of my behaviour over the past ten years. G.O.D. knows that over the past decade I’ve done and said some pretty shitty things. I’ve hurt people close to me, I’ve hurt perfect strangers, and I’ve ultimately hurt myself quite a bit in the process.

This isn’t a confession. This isn’t an apology. This isn’t a pathetic attempt to get you to sympathize with me. This, like the purpose of anything I’ve ever written, is me conveying some truth that I’ve found within myself in the hopes that it makes a difference for those of you who take the time to read my words.

I know that at times I can be impatient, crass, and insensitive. I like to think that I possess a certain intensity in my way of being in the world, and I also know that that way of being can be a double-edged sword. I know I’m sometimes terribly judgmental of others and that I’m even harder on myself. I’ve done a lot of soul searching; I’ve swallowed some bitter chunks of truth about myself over the years. Knowing, unfortunately, sometimes makes no difference. I still choose to be ways that I know will rub some of you the wrong way, say things that might offend you, do things that might anger you.

I also believe that there lies an immense potential for greatness in every single human being. I know I can be great in the world; I’ve touched my own greatness at times in my life. What I’ve learned is that there’s some part of me that fights against my desire to be great in this world – a human ego that resists the loudest callings of my soul. I believe we all resist certain things about ourselves and the world and that resistance is the main source of human suffering. The greatest pains I’ve experienced in my life have been during the times that I’ve fought against my own calling in the world; the times I’ve stood in diametrical opposition to my own self-defined purpose in life. And it’s at those times, dear world, that I’ve done you the most harm.

Heaven and hell are real – we can manifest them within our own minds and in turn create them here on earth. Angels and demons exist – I can tell you this because I’ve met people who have embodied the former and I, myself, have been the latter at times in my past. I didn’t literally sprout horns and carry a pitchfork, and the angels I met didn’t have wings or halos. What I’m saying is that we all have a few fundamental choices in this world: we can choose to build or destroy, to create or to dismantle, to grow or decay, to live or to die.

I make no excuse for the damage I’ve done to any of you, to myself, or to the world as a whole. I have remorse, but no regret; I cannot say with any certainty that my life could have gone any other way than the way it’s gone thus far. I do believe, however, that my capacity for destruction is equally matched if not surpassed by my ability to manifest peace, love, and joy in the world. I believe that every single one of you has that power as well.

I’ve created lot in my short time here. I’ve written hundreds of poems, stories, essays, pieces of prose…even written you a few letters. I’ve written and recorded songs and put out a few albums. I’ve performed dozens of times to different crowds at different places on the map. I’ve spoken publicly and in private with many to share my experience, strength, and hope with them. I’ve given of myself to those who suffer and in the process helped to save some lives. I’ve built things. I’ve inspired people. I’ve created love, I’ve spread joy, and I’ve made people laugh.

Dear world, please try to understand; sometimes I lose sight of who I am and why I’m here. Sometimes I forget what I’m capable of and I sell myself short of the power that I have to make a positive difference for others. These are the facts of my humanity. They don’t condone anything, but I hope they help to explain.

This life, this world, all of us here in this reality – it’s not about any one of us. Of course we are all myopic in our attention when it comes to our own lives vs. the lives of others; we need to possess a certain degree of self-focus and self-awareness to survive. What I’m starting to see now, though, what I’m beginning to believe is that all of my choices in life, everything I’ve said and done and everything that I haven’t, have been far more important in terms of the effects they’ve had on the world than the consequences that they’ve had for me personally. I have no notion of the degree and scope of the impact that my life has really had so far, nor knowledge of the difference that my life will ultimately make over the course of time. I can guess, I can ask people, I can intellectually calculate and search my intuitions, I can look at the quantifiable material differences, but at the end of the day, I have to admit that I just don’t know.

So I make you a promise, world. I will continue to write, I will continue to rap, I will continue to speak and perform. I will continue to speak my truth, because that, I believe, is why I’m here. I am committed to inspiring you to find out why you’re here – to create yourself, your life, your purpose, and manifest the destiny that your soul calls you towards. I promise to be courageous in my efforts in the face of fear, in the face of my own limitations, and in the face of no agreement from any of you, because I think the world needs more courage. I’m here to wake you up to your own greatness and to tell you to not let  your own humanity be the reason why you don’t push forward with every ounce of strength you have to be who you truly are and create the kind of world that I believe we all want to live in. I’m here to inspire you to work together as one race to transform the world. I will make mistakes; I will learn from them. I will fall down; I will get back up and keep moving. I will not give up on my dreams until I die.

And if, in the process of me living this life, I hurt you or upset you or piss you off, then I sincerely apologize. It’s not my intention to do you harm. But I will never apologize for being who I am, for working towards fulfilling my purpose, or for answering the beckoning of my soul.

This is the path I’ve chosen to walk – I refuse to go another way.