Motivation?

People often think you need "motivation" in order to do something. For example: "I don't go to the gym because I'm not motivated enough to go." This type of reasoning is nothing more than an excuse. The idea that one needs to be motivated in order to take a given action is a fallacy.

What does "being motivated" even mean? Is it a feeling? Most of the time, when people say they lack motivation, what they are really saying is, "I don't feel like it." God knows we as human beings often shy away from taking certain actions simply because we feel a certain way about something. But we as human beings have the capacity to act contrary to how we feel. Most people get out of bed in the morning and go to work everyday even if they don't feel like it.

"Aha!" says my imaginary interlocutor, "it's the motivation of keeping the job, of not getting fired, of having money that has people act contrary to their feelings." Yes, on one level of analysis, motivational factors, even reduced to feelings, can have hierarchical values. In this case, the motivation comes from fear (perhaps the most "motivating" emotion of all) of losing a job, of not having money, and all the consequences that come from being unemployed and broke in a capitalist society. I'm not doubting this is a valid theory that may very well describe how human beings operate...according to their motivations/feelings.

But from another (and I believe more empowering) perspective, human beings have a choice even of how they will act in the face of any emotion, including fear. We can see plainly that the term "motivation" is given to describe reasons for behaviour, these reasons usually reducing to nothing more than emotions. If fear is the ultimate motivator for human beings, then a person who can choose to act contrary to their fears, to be courageous, is a powerful person indeed.

We attach all sorts of reasons, concerns, and explanations to our emotions - the reasons we let them run our lives, the concerns upon which they are grounded, the explanations for why we feel the way we feel. Sometimes our reasons are valid (e.g. I'm afraid of running into the middle of moving traffic because I fear that I will be injured or killed). But often our fears are not based on facts, but rather preconceived notions of how the world is, how we are, and how things will turn out based on past experiences. Take the example of the boy who won't ask the girl to dance out of fear of rejection. He doesn't actually know he will be turned down, but he doesn't ask for what he wants because he believes that his fear indicates a predetermined outcome (which is does not, in this case).

So how do we know when our fears are valid, or when anything that we let "motivate" our behaviours are indeed worth basing our lives upon? The truth is, in most cases, we simply can't know. Granted, some outcomes are easier to accurately predict than others. But perhaps the greatest fallacy of the human mind is to relate to certain beliefs we hold as if they were true, empirical facts, when in fact they are nothing more than unverified or even unverifiable propositions. When we live our lives within the confines of our unchallenged beliefs, we limit ourselves as human beings. We limit our growth, our freedom, our self-expression, our ability to learn and engage our creative faculties to the fullest. This is often what people mean when they refer to someone "living in a box."

So what relevance is all of this to my life right now? Well, I have a job. It's actually a pretty good job; it pays well, the hours are flexible, and it's probably one of the best jobs you can get within the industry. But the problem is, I don't want to be there anymore - I don't want to have this job. And the longer I stay at this job not wanting to be there, the more I dread it, the more I even begin to loathe it. So here I've chosen to allow the feelings I have about this job, which I've allowed to accumulate over time, be my "motivation" to quit. At the same time, I have tremendous fear about leaving this job. What will I do that will make as much money? Will I be stuck at a worse job if I quit here? Etc., etc. Thus far, the fear of the unknown, of perhaps making a bad choice, has been the winning "motivator" to keep me employed where I am.

What I really want to do is make money off of doing the things I love; rapping, making music, performing, writing, acting - basically anything entrepreneurial, creative, and most importantly, things that I'm passionate about and that make a positive difference in the world. So here's the big problem for me; I've been using a lack of motivation to grind, to hustle, and to put in the hard work necessary to make my dreams a reality as an excuse for where I'm at in my career as an artist, and where I'm at as a whole in my life. And the reason that I attribute to this lack of motivation? I'm not starving. I have a job. I have money. I'm doing alright.

I know that I can take the actions necessary to be where I want to be professionally without any motivation whatsoever, because I have taken many beneficial actions in my life that I didn't feel like taking. But there's something about it...about FEELING that HUNGER...that NEED to SUCCEED that has driven so many people to greatness. No, I don't NEED to feel that...but it sure couldn't hurt. And I have thus far been unable to manifest that feeling in my current circumstances for a prolonged period of time. So given that as a human being I attribute motivations based on my feelings, and given that fear is (arguably) the ultimate motivator, if I put the fear of being broke, of not having money and all the consequences that come along with that at stake, I would likely be as motivated as I possibly could be to make money doing the things I love to do. And how to create that real, tangible feeling? Create a real situation with real consequences for failure - e.g. quit my job.

And then all the other fears come in: what if I quit and the fear isn't enough to motivate me to grind harder? What if it is motivating enough but I don't get the results I want out of the work I put in? What if I...what if...what if...

What if I took an action that everything inside me is telling me to take in the face of all my fears, all my concerns, all my reasons...

What if I chose to be courageous on a level I have not been for what seems like a very, very long time?

I've heard it said that if you burn the bridge behind you, then you are forced to move forward on your path. I've also heard it said that it's only when you lose everything that you are free to do anything.

And I hear a voice inside me getting louder and louder with each passing day...and it's beginning to grow restless...beginning to scream:

LET ME OUT! THE TIME IS NOW.