Only Now

Only now,
after I’ve smashed every possible notion
of that ideal relationship’s existence,
after I’ve crushed the childish ideals of
somehow and someway things being OK
in the land of someday,
can I see you as you truly are
and accept myself as I truly am.

You,
the old, gnarled plant that has wrapped your
withered, decaying vines around the
youthful vigour of my soul
and attempted time and time again
to suck the vivacity out of my pores,

You,
for whom I exerted my entire being
in my futile attempts to view you in a positive light,
only to finally be unable to ignore
the sordid person you have become
beneath the veil of helplessness that you project,

You have been the greatest source of my apprehensions
in the recent years of my life.

Only now
that I’ve cut away your toxic grip
from around my heart
do I fully feel the freedom
to be a man in this world.

Only now,
for the first time,
there is no room
for neither guilt nor remorse
in my mind.

Now I am truly free.

Purple Awakening

I awake
on the right side of the wrong bed
in Sunnybrook Hospital.

Everything is turquoise and purple tinted,
in my mind, in my mind.

Awaken to a purple world
where bright colours are shunned,
where bright colours beam across the globe,
where everything is paradox and
riddles that have no answers.

My purple hand squeezes my purple pen
as I write my thoughts,
as I stamp my feelings on
a turquoise page.

All the other colours wait patiently
in a cell with purple bars.